Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
