dude i'm inner monologue high
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i wish my penis had a tongue
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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