Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
