"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
