cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
