K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
