# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
