just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
