Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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