so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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