you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
