I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
