You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
