We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
