Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
