Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
