Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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