i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
