So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
