dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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