Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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