I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
