just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
