hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
