You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
