not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
