Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I wish I only lived at night.
I looked at my own cervix.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
