put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
