I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Boobs are out for the taking
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
