I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
