If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It's just like the Real World with babies
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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