Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You are the jesus of drinking
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize