if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
