you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
