It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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