yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
