the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize