so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
