I don't usually arrange sex via text message
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Screwed.edu
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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