Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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