After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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