where am i from again
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize