I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
your like the ambassador to my penis.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize