dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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