bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
