I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
