my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
