dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
