Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
