I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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