Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You're a waste of cheezeits
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
All I want is dick and wine.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
