My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i just wanna soil my oats bro
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
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