dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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