Do you still have your period?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
