I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I touched a dick in church today
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
