The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
