ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
