i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
