Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
