Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
