I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
