Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
