Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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