Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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