after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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