Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
