apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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