why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
There's always time for handjobs
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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