it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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