Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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