Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I want to make a zoo with you.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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