You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
