We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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