Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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