i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize