The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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