do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
