Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
