girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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