dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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