I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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