I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
