Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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