halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
