Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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