I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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