my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
