you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
